1 Timothy 6:18

Before I even begin I want to thank everyone who purchased a shirt, made a donation, or has said a prayer over my trip. The outpouring of support that came from selling these shirts really filled my heart and I have felt so loved over the past few months. So thank you.

18 days from today I will begin my trip to Africa. Some 36 hours or so later I will literally be stepping into the journey that God has called me into. I am excited. I am nervous. I am blessed. My heart is already being challenged and stretched in so many ways and I just want to soak up the lessons that God has for me. I feel as if my heart is completely malleable and I want it to be forever changed.

Having my trip bump up to Christmas as it does Jason and I have really been challenged this year to think about what Christmas means, and how we are going to celebrate it within our family. So this year Jason and I decided that we would make Christmas gifts for everyone in our lives and we have really enjoyed the process, and dare say everyone that receives a gift is going to appreciate it as well.

If you are looking for some last minute, meaningful gift ideas for the people in your lives I have an idea! I have a list of 6 of the organizations that I will be visiting on my trip. I am going to attach the links to their websites as well as a little information about each place. If you would like to give money to one of these organizations in someones honor for Christmas you can either donate via the links on the ministries page or donate on my blog in the top right hand corner. When I return from my trip in January I will write a letter to the person you donated on behalf of, telling them about what that money is going toward, the people that I was blessed to meet there, and include a picture of the children at that place.

I have already been blessed by this experience and I know that those blessings are about to multiply abundantly. I believe that in giving your heart will also be blessed.

Uganda Ministries:

Return Ministries: http://www.returnministriesuganda.org/

Return Children's Home exists to raise the next generation of Ugandan leaders as we bring the fatherhood of God to the Fatherless, by pursuing excellence in academic and practical skills, integrity in conduct and moral values, so each child becomes a responsible Christian and a productive citizen of Uganda through fostering alliances and partnerships between Christian leaders in Africa and the rest of the world. The model involves physical care, medical intervention including HIV/AIDS treatment, education - formal and vocational, counseling and emotional well being as well as moral and spiritual discipleship. we believe that the Church is the solution to every community problem and that GOD has called us to establish justice and righteousness in our world. The church is, therefore, central to all we do. 60 Feet: http://sixtyfeet.org/ 60 Feet is a ministry that came out of a heartbreaking situation. Not long ago a woman was on her way out of Kampala and drove past a dilapidated old sign that read “M”: Rehabilitation Center for Children. She was drawn to learn more about the place so she turned down a long, winding dirt road until she came to the end. To her horror, she found rooms of children locked up, young kids chained to windows, and even a 10 day old, malnourished and living in her own urine. She saw hundreds of children with little food and no supervision. As horrific as this was, on that day God began a glorious story of redemption for these children. In response to what they learned about “M”, 60 Feet mobilized a team to help improve the conditions on the ground. The initial objectives were immediate relief for these children which included basic necessities such as water, food and medical care. Today it includes ministering to the children through teaching and in some cases release to their families. Amazima Ministries: http://www.amazima.org/

Amazima Ministries was founded by 19 year-old Katie Davis in 2008. The organization, based out of Brentwood, TN, feeds, educates, and encourages orphaned and vulnerable children and the poor in the country of Uganda. In the Lugandan language, Amazima (uh-mahz-i-muh) means "truth." Amazima desires to reveal the truth of God's unconditional love through Jesus Christ to the Ugandan people. Amazima minister to people through: education sponsorship, Masese outreach, community outreach, vocational projects, and discipleship.

Canaan Children's Home: http://www.canaanchildrenshome.org

Canaan Children's Home is a home ran by Pastor Isaac Wabaga that operates with the following goals and objectives in mind:

1. Children are people too and Canaan Children’s Home’s main objective is to bring children out of the street and turn them into good Christians and responsible citizens. We desire that they come out of the life they are leading on the street (i.e. drug abuse and bad moral behaviors).
2. It is our desire that the orphans get help, find meaning in life and to belong to the home.
3. To help them not to think that life ended when they lost their parents. We desire to be the fathers of the fatherless as the Lord commissioned us.
4. We desire that all these children get an education so that they may be self reliant in the future and we want to train them to help other orphans.
5. To give these children good health services by building a clinic at the Home and have a doctor available of them.
6. To give these children a good education by building primary and secondary schools.

Kenya Ministries:

Fiwagoh Mission Orphanage: http://www.fiwagoh.org/fiwagoh.asp

In addition to the caring for and educating the orphans that the Fiwagoh Orphanage has gathered, the mission is also working to uplift the living standards and the educational and moral standards of the stricken poverty children from the surrounding neighbours and children of our fellow church members around the community are given the opportunity to learn along with our orphans. Right now, more than 20 pupils' lives have changed after joining our institution. Through their strong character influence, their parents have also been drawn to the church.

Visoi Children's Centre International: http://www.visoi.com/

We are a small charity who support a community of children in Kampi Ya Moto in the Rift Valley, Kenya. There, many people are affected by Aids and HIV, none more so than the children, many of whom have been orphaned or who are themselves infected with the virus. Visoi Children's Centre International has been set up in conjunction with the local community to provide safe accommodation, health care and education opportunities for these orphaned children. It is important that the charity is working directly with the local community, with a view to enhancing and developing the skills of local people, with the plan that the orphanage will eventually become largely self sufficient.

_________________________________________________________________

These are the ministries that I will be visiting that have websites. In addition we will likely be visiting: Haven of Hope Children's home, Grace Children's home, Church on the Rock Academy, and Kibera which is one of the largest slums in the world (all of which are in Kenya).

If you want to give, but don't know what to give toward feel free to just give and our team will apply it wherever it is needed most. If you give and want me to write a letter to someone or even to you about where your money went and how it was used just email me and I will be so happy to do so.

If you aren't able to or have already given your prayers are still needed and appreciated. Please prayer over these ministries, visit their websites and stay updated on what they are doing in the lives of these kids.

Thanks again for all of the support and I will keep everyone updated as I am able throughout my trip, and definitely upon returning from my trip.

Africa 2011 Hope T-Shirt

Front:

Back:

Africa has been a prayer whispered in my heart for many years. It's weird to be drawn to a place that you have never stepped foot upon, but I am indeed drawn to Africa. For the past few years it seems that every book I pick up somehow comes around to the issues and work being done in Africa. For Jason and I adoption is not an if in our relationship but a when and this too, for us, comes back to Africa. We sponsor children in Africa, pray for our future children in Africa, and seek out what role God would have us to play in Africa. For these and many more reasons I believe that it is time to venture into this place so heavily laid upon my heart. A trip of this kind is not cheap, nor is it one to enter into lightly. Therefore, I am asking my friends and family to join me by purchasing a T-Shirt that I have designed with my prayer for the trip, and by praying as God prepares my heart for the journey. I hope that as you wear your shirt you will remember not only my journey, but the lives of 73 million orphans in Africa who need your prayers. Thank you so much for partnering with me in this journey.

A random side note: Sorry for the bizarre spacing at the bottom of the page. I have never set up a paypal link and this is the only way that it will work. It's not pretty, but so far it is effective!

Shirt Style

Round Neck $20.00 V-Neck $23.00

Shirt Size

Small Medium Large X-Large XX-Large

Freedom.

So I am definitely over due a marathon post, but before I talk about the torture that is 26.2 I feel like I need to share what I learned through this journey. I ran the marathon that I may check it off of my to do list, but more importantly I ran it because I felt God had placed that desire in my heart and I wanted to see how He revealed himself to me in the process.

Running forces me to get away from the husband who I am tempted to spend all of my time with, and get outside under a big expanse of sky and just breathe. Running is not easy for me, it beats me down, makes me hurt, and sometimes just leaves me miserable, but it breaks down my barriers, it shuts up the voices in my head, and it leaves me on a road running toward a sunset, still inside.

I have spent the last 344 days as Mrs. Jason Vance. It is my favorite role. I love it.

But as it turns out I needed some time alone, to train not only my legs, but my heart and my mind. To be still, and quiet, and reminded, of a love so assuring.

What I am trying to say is…

I was flying to California, I was sitting on the plane, I was looking out the window, and I remembered to be amazed at everything. I forgot that, but right there on that plane, looking out the window at the sun setting over all those people on the ground, I was stunned. I remembered the time that Andie and I flew with some pilot friends at sunset, and watched it set for hours. I forgot how long the sun takes to set, I forgot how beautiful the orange is bouncing off of the clouds, and I was amazed.

I remembered God. I remembered to feel Him. To thank Him. To trust Him. And I cried, right there in the middle of two strangers and a glorious sunset.

I was standing on a cliff, beside my mom, looking out at the mountains, hugging the California coastline. I watched these huge waves crash over and over again against century old rocks and I was astounded. God put me there in that moment just as deliberately as he placed me in my mother’s womb. We were made to stand in that moment, together. mother and daughter, and be amazed.

I remembered God. I remembered to feel Him. To thank Him. To trust Him. I cried, right there beside my mother and a glorious ocean.

I was running between two cliffs and toward a green grass mountain about mile 10. I remembered that this life is fleeting. It is but a breath. That not long ago I was a child and now I am an adult. I will have children. They will become adults and I will die. I thought about the end of my life and how at some point soon my life will end. And how maybe I will run towards heaven, just like that, between grand mountains, beside surging waters, and toward a living God. I felt a heavenly assurance in that moment. I remembered it is a gift to live, to be free and just live.

I remembered God. I remembered to feel Him. To thank Him. To trust Him. And I cried, right between two beautiful cliffs and a thousand people. .

I ran a marathon. When I got home I checked it off the list and I hung my medal up. I am proud of that, but my heart was not filled to the brim by that accomplishment. It was filled between those centuries old cliffs when the God of the universe took a moment to romance my heart, to remind me I am chosen and loved.

... As for this song.. I just played it over and over again for 6 hours. My heart is so glad to be free!

Catchin' Up

Well blog world it has been a while. The Vances have been ridiculously busy for over a month. We celebrated birthdays in Oklahoma and the future Whismans with a shower and a much needed catch up night in TN. And all in between we had a parade of company in and out of Pooler. It feels as if we have been flying, driving, or riding for a solid month.

Needless to say it is time to be still. Together. ALONE.

We will be spending our first Easter together. ALONE.

Kayaking. Camping. Cuddling. Eating the first Easter dinner I've ever cooked.

Thankful for overwhelming grace.

And time together. As husband and wife.

...In other news:

I run my marathon in less than 2 weeks. I am slightly terrified... but that also means I head to San Francisco in less than 2 weeks!

Jason and I have been married long enough that it is now acceptable to order his 1 year anniversary gift! (which I have done!) And book our trip to Chicago! I CANNOT WAIT!!!

Since I seem to be on a travel note Jason and I also booked our summer vacation to Glacier National Park!!! Google that biz. Seriously. Do it. You'll be amazed.

Jay and Mandy move here in June. Venture church is going to become a reality SOON. (more on that later)

My broseph, TVON, moves here June 1st, and we have an entire summer with him while he interns at GP with Jason.

There, you're kinda caught up now.

All I Want is You

Hmmm, on a less sappy note... my last two posts have said the word babies... That's problematic. Especially since Jason currently only allows me to say the word babies twice a day.

So in the spirit of avoiding above said topic... here is a video that has nothing to do with ... well you know... although i guess if we were getting technical the song is from the movie JUNO which is apparently about a girl having a baby... but I digress.. I dig this song. And I dig Fridays.

Last Night...

We ate cheddars.

Bought bead board to make picture frames.

Went for a dusk, 75 degree run.

Laid on the driveway and watched day fade to night.

Cuddled on the couch.

Ate chips and salsa.

Went to bed.

Read.

Prayed.

On the verge of sleep and I hear Jason. Singing.

Amazing Grace.

And say, I'm going to sing that to our babies.

Don't worry. We aren't having a baby.

....Yet.

But when we do he is going to sing to them.

Amazing Grace.

spring.

With her foot on the threshold she waited a moment longer in a scene which was vanishing even as she looked, and then, as she moved and left the room, it changed, it shaped itself differently; it had become, she knew, giving one last look at it over her shoulder, already the past. - Virginia Woolf

Transcending moments. I am a student of them. Moments when my heart cannot contain its level of contentment. Time pauses. My breath catches. Afraid to breathe, afraid if I do the ripples of my breath will interrupt the grip that heaven has on my heart in an earthly moment.

Yesterday afternoon in our backyard the perfect orange evening sunlight was dancing through the fence panels. You could literally smell spring. Peyton was running and playing. And there was Jason. My Jason. Just smiling at me.

My whole world. Content. Full.

Then it went away.

I could breathe, and I could move.. to go and hug my Jason.

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive.

And I'm not sad to see them pass because these days those moments come often.

They become more and more full.

One day they'll have babies

Running barefeet and laughter.

And always my Jason.

Yard Crashers

Last weekend Jason and I decided that we were going to crash our yard. After we put our fence up in January our yard has looked huge and with the exception of a sprinting grey ghost (Peyton) fairly empty. So with big ideas in mind we hit Lowes up on Friday night and prepped for a yard overhaul.

We decided to: add a flower bed, make a firepit, and build 2 benches. Which quickly grew into: stone all (3) flower beds, extend one of the

existing flower beds, plant new bulbs, paint and distress the benches, and build some DIY rustic additions that would make the space our own.

That all equates to Jason and I working from dawn to dusk Saturday and Sunday night.

My amazing husband built 2 benches from all recycled materials. We had a leftover fence panel, 4x4s, and nails from our fence project which he turned into 2 benches that have removable tops and bracing inside them to store our pillows and bench top cushions. What a man!

I then painted the bench with watered down paint to give it the distressed look. We bought green bench top cushions and throw pillows to go on top and they should be in early next week. The benches are going in the corner you can see in the background of this picture.

To make the corner complete we both really wanted a firepit. We looked into building one, but it turns out firebricks are very expensive, but all the firepits at the local hardware stores were cheap and flimsy. So we found and ordered this bad boy:

GOOD OLE' ROCKY TOP, WHOO!

ROCKY TOP TENNESSEE!!!

We are unnecessarily excited about UT fire!

We then designed a new flower bed to go in the back left corner of our fence. Jason said we needed to stone it.. I agreed.. and then I found out that to do that you have to dig out all of the grass and level it, stone by tedious stone. It was a lot of work, but we got it done and it looks awesome. We are having dirt delivered today so we can fill it and then Nancy is going to help us design the flower layout this weekend. Also, part of the flowerbed is showing 3 stones high here, but we decided to stick with 2 because after the dirt is filled it will have the same effect.

I also raked up a good 4-5 wheel barrows full of pine straw which we are going to use to cover the dirt in the flower bed. I prefer mulch, but apparently in south Georgia mulch is not a good option.

It may not look like we accomplished a lot, but there a great deal of sweat and blood (poor Jason hammered his thumb) went into the weekend. The finishing touches will be put on it this weekend. The benches will be put in place and the cushions and firepit will polish off this corner.

And perhaps my favorite addition to the corner is going to be Mason Jar lanterns thatJason and I made last night. I bought Mason Jars for .99 at AC Moore and then

found bailing wirecovered in a rustic twine to create handle to hang the Mason Jars along the fence behind the benches. Then we put sand in them and tea candles in the jars. Now I have to find hooks that look similar to the ones in the picture that we used for inspiration and our corner will be complete!!

It was so nice to spend an entire weekend outside in the beautiful 70 degree weather with my husband. Jason is so smart and talented. He can look at a picture of something I want and build it. It is so nice to look around our house and yard and know how many updates we have done and how much money we have saved doing it all ourselves.

Also, so she doesn't feel left out... Peyton had a blast with all 3 of us being outside all weekend. She loves using the new benches as hurdles and smelling, but so far not eating the flowers.

Sorry this post was 2 years long.. but I am excited and wanted to share. After we finish I will take photos from a device other than my phone and share!

Set Free

I got it in my head a few months ago that I needed a new car. I started out wanting a fairly reasonably priced SUV and ended up setting my heart on my dream car, a Toyota 4Runner... which is not so reasonably priced. Jason and I talked about it, priced it, and I did what I do.. I became obsessed. I looked at them online, I picked up brochures, I found the best dealer in the area. We were set. Then earlier this week we received a call and someone wanted to buy my car and they were going to check with their credit union and we'd finalize the deal..

I instantly felt a great deal of unrest that just increased throughout the week. Finally last night the only way I could explain it to Jason was to continuously tell him I felt so stressed. We talked through it, prayed over it, and Jason told me no, this is not the right time.

Of course the way I explain it makes it sound so clean.. in reality I may have cried a little, I may have told Jason that sometimes I didn't want to give our money, I didn't want to share and I wanted to do what I wanted. To which I thought he would be so taken aback, but instead he told me he was encouraged by that because it meant that we may be beginning to give appropriately and obediently. (I married a wise and compassionate man!)

As soon as Jason told me no, and the decision was finalized, my heart felt as if binding had been released from it.It may just sound like a decision of whether or not to buy a car, or as if I am talking about a financial decision, but for us this decision was about obedience. We visited our friends Jay and Mandy this weekend. Jay preached on Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and that because of their obedience they were thrown bound into a furnace, but they walked out of it, not even smelling like fire!! My earthly desires gave Satan a stronghold in my heart and I feel as if a war has been waging there all week. In our obedience God released my bindings, and I was immediately grateful.

This morning I received an email from the guy looking to buy the car saying that after careful consideration he had decided not to buy my car because he did not have a peace about it. I just smiled at the confirmation and peace God gave us.

Later I received a devotional from a friend that was nearly the exact same lesson that I had just learned. Confirmation and peace.

"Dear friends, I urge you as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul." - 1 Peter 2:11

"The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever." - 1 John 2:17

"You have been set free from sin, and have become slaves to righteousness." - Romans 6:18

A Hidden Gem

I was driving to work this morning listening to a cd of mostly praise and worship songs that Andie had given me a few years back.. when out of no where comes this gem. It has made the rest of my day. And for good reason. I don't know what I love more.. the song, the hair, or the coral jogging suit!

So much thanks to the MFBFF... and happy listening and happy Friday to all of the rest of ya.

Also... despite the hidden goodness of this cd.. if any of you would like to send me new music it would be so, so, so much appreciated. I have 13 miles Sunday and I NEED NEW MUSIC!

Absolute Goodness

I've been re-visiting Mere Christianity and I am again challenged.

"If the universe is not governed by an absolute goodness, then all our efforts are in the long run hopeless. But if it is, then we are making ourselves enemies to that goodness every day, and are not in the least likely to do any better tomorrow, and so our case is hopeless again. We cannot do without it, and we cannot do with it. God is the only comfort, He is also the supreme terror; the thing we most need and the thing we most want to hide from. He is our only possible ally, and we have made ourselves His enemies. Some people talk as if meeting the gaze of absolute goodness would be fun. They need to think again. They are still only playing with religion. Goodness is either the great safety or the great danger-- according to the way you react to it. And we have reacted the wrong way."

The Good Life

This has been a long week. Sales did not come easy. Sleep did not visit often. The house was not cleaned. The laundry was washed, but not folded. The runs were painful. (Ha, that's a funny sentence!) And it feels as if Jason and I only met in passing. It was one of those weeks that found us in bed at 9 with Peyton and Jason snoring, and me wishing I could go to sleep before mamaw would go to bed. Life came at us this week hard and fast. We tried to slow its pace, but it was out of our control.

Last night we caught our breath a bit, our friend Sam cooked us dinner and had us over to her place. It was the 1st time someone else has cooked for us since we moved here. After dinner we sat and talked for two and a half hours. It was a simple night, and it was just what we needed.

God put us here. For a purpose bigger than us. He blessed us with jobs and a house and a dog. And last night I realized he had blessed us with a friend. A true and true, be open and honest, share life with - friend.

I am 24 years old. I am married to my best friend. I serve a God who I am unworthy to worship and He is teaching and molding my heart everyday.

Today its 78. I get off work at 2. I'm going to go home, get my freaking awesome dog, and run. And when my husband gets home and hugs me and the weekend starts, the world is on pause and we're going to revel in the life that God is blessing us with.

....Hopelessly, I am taking a mental picture of you now, cause hopelessly the hope is we have so much to feel good about. This has gotta be the good life, this could really be the good life, good, good life....

It's the FREAKING 15th!

Ok Cynics, yesterday's post was not for you. Today's is.

Today is not my favorite day.

Customers would like to be grumpy and yell for no apparent reason. Some woman decided to argue with me about today's date (which shouldn't be hard because it's the day after vday), and proceed to tell me that I was an idiot who should not be allowed to work if I was incapable of reading a calender. To which I had to reply: I apologize that we are unable to see eye to eye on this issue mam..but wanted to reply with: well gosh I know there's a time difference, but I didn't realize ya'll were a whole day off... or I can't read a calender, I'm blind and I bet you're fat. ..but, alas Miss February realized her error to which I silently celebrated.

I bet she felt like a big stinkin idiot.

In other news....

I have 4 miles tonight. My favorite distance.

Peyton and I are going to enjoy our new trail and forget that I wasted 4 minutes of my life arguing with a woman about the date.

Then go home, eat leftover vday dinner (which was A-MAZING!), do some yoga, read, and wait for Mr Vance to come home.

If you're having a grumpy day.. or a good day.. you should totally blast my current obsession:

VDAY

Ok cynical readers.. you know who you are... today's post is not your day. Feel free to join us again in a few days....

I am a newlywed. So I am allowed to feel gushy at any given moment. If I so choose I am allowed to just go on and on and on about how freaking amazing my husband is. About how good he smells and how great he kisses and how sexy I think his super long torso is..... or about how he has the best heart of anyone I know, how he loves me completely and everyday he teaches me more about God's perfect love because of his earthly love for me.

I am normally on the band wagon that Vday is a commercialized holiday created by consumerist America to promote the spending of more money on gifts that will quickly perish.. HOWEVER as previously stated.. I am a newly wed. I got Tulips.. and a Teddy Bear.. and Chocolate. We have reservations at Savannah's nicest restaurant... and I have a new dress.. and he has new suspenders (for that sexy super long torso) and I love today, and Jason Vance, and being his wife.

Today is a happy Monday.

And in case any of you cynics did stick around... here's a joke from Lloyd Christmas to ease your pain: I said, Do you love me?" And she said, "No, but that's a really nice ski mask!"

...train yourself to be Godly - 1 Timothy 4:7

This is really not a new post, so much as a continuation of the last post. I just couldn't figure out how to seamlessly merge my two thought processes.

In the past my spiritual life and my running life mirrored one another. I would anxiously lace up and hit the road. High ambitions in mind. Somewhere around mile 3 I would remember that running isn't easy. And I'd quit the run. I might do a similar run a few days later, but I never built on my runs. I considered myself a runner, but I didn't eat, drink, train, in essence run, like a runner.

My spiritual life was a weak replica of my running. I ambitiously set off at a sprint. Then when it came time for discipline.. I quit because no discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful (Hebrews 12:11). As a result of this quitting I constantly doubted my spiritual life. It is a disgusting and disheartening feeling. I wanted to run the race, but I refused to endure the discipline that produces the harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. (the rest of Hebrews 12:11).

I still have a fairly repulsing reaction to discipline, but I am learning to bear it, and in bearing it I am learning that His yoke truly is good and the burden is light (Matthew 11:30). And it is a yoke, after all, that I truly am not worthy to bear.

I am training for a marathon, but in the midst of this training there is a far greater battle going on. I am training my mind and my heart. I am not of this world. I am not my own. I was bought at a great price.

Pray for my training. I am praying for yours.

Daring Doubt.

Its cold. My bed is warm.

Its 6am. My running partner is snoring.

Its February. No one in their right mind is outside.

Much less outside.. RUNNING.

My body has started to fatigue and my stomach is rejecting anything unhealthy.

Seriously, its like the more I run the more my stomach hates my eating habits.

I am 24 and I have running related heartburn.

Worse than the heartburn is the doubt.

Increasing with each foot pound on concrete.

A year ago I would have welcomed the presence of doubt.

Welcomed it, and joined it on the sideline. Not anymore.

The doubt can join my run if it so chooses.

But I don't think doubt has the character or tenacity to finish.

I think that somewhere along the road the pain

in my legs, lungs, and heart is going to force the doubt out.

One step, one breath, one mile at a time.

Doubt has no place here.

Not on my road.

Not in my race.

"All your life you are told the things that you cannot do. All your ilfe they will say you're not good enough or strong enough or talented enough, they'll say you're the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. THEY WILL TELL YOU NO, a thousand times no until all the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no, quite firmly and very quickly. They will tell you no. And YOU WILL TELL THEM YES."

Birds love Bears

I think every woman should be lucky enough to marry a man who:

Hates to leave you in bed every morning.
Has long arms that wrap you up when you're tired.
Has long legs that wrap you up when you're wrestling.
Hates chocolate, but collects them from his pillow on business trips, and then leaves them on your pillow when he gets home.
Carries you to bed when your stomach hurts.
On that note.. carries you to bed when your stomach doesn't hurt ;)
Dances in the kitchen.
Laughs at your clumsiness.
Tells you when you're wrong.
Praises you when you do well.
Believes in you when you don't.
Thinks your beautiful when you know you're not.....

My love is patient, and he is kind, he is not self seeking, he keeps no record of wrongs, and he is not easily angered.

God has blessed me. Abundantly.

Like A Wavin' Flag

It's February 2nd. It's 74. I can smell the ocean. And the sky is blue... like the walls of my cubicle.

I am feeling more than a little anxious. In college on a day like today I would have walked to class with good intentions and quickly found myself barefoot in the ampitheater with a book that was in no way related to my class.

My feet, currently in Jason's socks... because Peyton has eaten the few pair of dress socks I own, are itching to get out of these cowboy boots and run as fast as they can from this cubicle.

In exactly one hour I am going to escape, take off these shoes and socks, roll down the windows and drive straight home. Change into my holey jeans, and favorite old mission playground tshirt, let Peyton out, and head barefoot to the backyard to work on my current frame, oh and of course chuck some wood ;) to the tune of Mr. Marley and K'naan. Cause it's just one of those days, and I've earned it.

Planes, Trains & Tattoos

"If you're going to San Francisco be sure to wear some flowers in your hair."

It looks as if my good friend Blaes may not be able to make the marathon trip with me. If she does she will not be able to make it until late Saturday night. So I was set to venture to the wild, wild, west all on my own when I realized that this was the perfect trip for my mom and I to take together.

Ma and I have never been on a trip with just the two of us. While my marathon is in Monterey I am flying into San Fran and spending the first night in a hostel a block or two up from fisherman's warf. Then we are going to take a train Saturday morning to Monterey, pick up my race packet and explore the city.. which will have to include a trip to Cannery Row and the John Steinbeck museum! That may make me a dork, but he's my favorite and it is his home town! Hostel stay on Saturday night. Race starts at 6:30 Sunday morning so that we can see the sunrise on the coast as we run. I sure as heck better be done by 12:30!! Later that night (after a large, carb loaded meal) we are taking a train back to San Francisco and spending the night. Our plane leaves Monday night at 10:50. Which means we have an entire day in San Francisco to explore.. and we have a list of must dos (including finally getting that tattoo that's been on my list forever) and must sees! To say that I am excited.. would be a vast understatement. I am stoked.

A long 3 day weekend in California.. with my mom, marking things off on my to do list that I never thought I would actually accomplish, and all while only using 1 vacation day, nice!

Almost everyday I love being in Georgia. I love being away from everyone and everything we know. I love that for the most part we have no demands on our time. I love the adventure of a new place. I really love the weather and the beach isn't so bad either.

But there are some days that creep up on me in the night. I go to bed glad to be a Georgia peach and I wake up in the morning with a longing for the hills of Tennessee. I do not miss TN because I believe it is better than Georgia. I miss TN because on days like today it still feels like home.

I miss my mamaw. I miss driving over the bridge to her house and looking at the Smokies in the distance. I miss spending time with her and joking about how old she is over a plate of pinto beans, macaroni, fried potatoes and biscuits... that I didn't have to cook.

I miss my brother. A lot. So much sometimes I want to cry. I miss Travis, Kayla, Jason and I hanging out every Friday night. Sitting, talking, laughing. No plans, no entertainment. Just each other.

I miss my friends and the ease that college let us hang out. I miss getting together for One Tree Hill with Cait and Lill and Sadie. I miss driving to the mountains in the middle of the night totally unprepared just to look at the stars without any other light around. I miss walking to Pilot in December just for powdered donuts and milk.

I miss driving to the boro for no reason at all.. mostly on weekends and sometimes on a random Tuesday. Donut country, airplanes, Friends and the Office. Playing in meadows barefoot and nasty splinters. I miss Andie and Billy. And Bump n Grind volleyball.

I miss when all of my family lived in one city. And we could all hang out together without ridiculously long drives.

I miss hugs, more than I can even begin to say in words.

I love that Jason and I got to move away and be married and just enjoy one another. I love that I am lucky enough to have so many things that fill my heart, and in their absence make it ache.

Tomorrow I will be happy to be in Georgia again. Today I wish it was close enough that we could drive over after work. And love on one another long enough to forget that growing up is sometimes stressful and lonely. And we would laugh. And hug.

VENTURE

Joshua said to the LORD in the presence of Israel:

“Sun, stand still over Gibeon,
and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”
¹³ So the sun stood still,
and the moon stopped,
till the nation avenged itself on its enemies,

as it is written in the Book of Jashar.

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. ¹⁴ There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the LORD listened to a human being. Surely the LORD was fighting for Israel!

Judges 10:11-14

"If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God." - Steven Furtick

We have good friends coming into town tonight. We are praying for faith big enough to stop the sun. We are dreaming big, but we believe God is dreaming bigger.

"I despaired at the thought that my life might slip by without seeing God show himself mightily on our behalf." - Jim Cymbala

We are praying for a mighty move of God, and hoping that our small minded prayers aren't insulting to His plans here.

⁵ “Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

I thought I had made it all the way through an entire post without the word run.. I did not. Fail.

And, on a random note: My entire high school experience I watched Jason Vance come in nearly everyday in a Kansas hoody and I dreamed about what it would be like to sleep in it. Last night I slept in his Kansas hoody WITH him. It's not the first time. It won't be the last time. But I woke up this morning and remembered those days, I cuddled up closer to him, and my heart was full.

Psalm 51:10-12

Tuesday nights Jason plays basketball, Peyton and I have girl time, I eat things I can't convince Jason to eat, I run, I write letters, and I read. There is nothing I love more than my time with Jason, but Tuesday nights feel a little like college and I like that.

This Tuesday night my neighbor called me. She was crying. I had just gotten in from a run. I had a list of Sarah things that I wanted to do. She asked if I could come over. I hesitated. I thought of all of the "me" things that I was looking forward to, and then I said of course I would come over.

My neighbor is hurting. Her heart hurts and Tuesday her head was in physical pain with a migraine. All she needed was someone to put pressure on her temples and ease the pain. Mercy and compassion are not my strongest character traits, but that does not mean that I am not expected to exhibit them. I am commanded to love my neighbor as myself.. and unfortunately my actions say that I love myself a lot..

So I rubbed her head, I brought her to our house, I gave her water (in a TN cup for a Bulldogs fan!) and we cared for our neighbor.

And later I cried.. to which Jason would say A) surprise and 2) why are you leaking?!?! what's wrong?!... but for a change I wasn't crying for myself, but for the state of someone else's heart. We have been praying over and over for Jesus to dwell within our hearts and for the Holy Spirit to ambush every facet of our lives.

I hesitated to write about this for fear that it would seem as if it were about our good deeds and it is not. It is about obedience. It is about loving your neighbor. And it is about asking God to change your heart and the small moments when you realize those prayers are being answered.

Snickers and Mystery Fruit

So yesterday I added up how many miles I have to run to train for my marathon... 432. I never should have done that. That being said, this is no longer a training blog. I mean how boring could the next 100 days be if it's strictly about running. So, it's again a random plethora of thoughts with a bit of training mixed in.

Today's random rant has to do with my present circumstances, Lunch. See, isn't this more exciting!? For real though, Jason and I stopped drinking soda about 2 months ago. We drink lots of juice (Dole's Pineapple Orang Mango ROCKS!), a bit of lemonade, and mostly water. I no longer drink carbonated beverages at all. It's a good change. I like it.

After 5 months of cubicle dwelling I have also started to monitor my food in take. I am surrounded by women who feel the need to shove chocolate, cookies, and cakes down my throat. No more. I snack on fruit. Current obsession: Cherries. Those who know me well will know I do not like cherries... so I thought. I do not like cheap, little fake, unnaturally red cherries. I do like real, stemmed, seed in the middle cherries. I am also currently eating some kind of fruit, mystery fruit as Cait likes to call it, it's basically like a peach without fuzz. Anyone have any insight?! I'd like to get it again. And finally HUMMUS! Sun dried tomato hummus. How awesome is that? Go Publix! As for meals I have smoothie for breakfast, wraps for lunch with excellent homemade Greek salads. And dinner is whatever that handsome man I live with wants! But now burgers are made of turkey.. Ha.

I refuse to run my butt off and then regain all of the calories in a candy bar. I'm not running to lose weight, but it makes you think. I ran 3 miles last night and burned 341 calories. To lose 1 lb you have to burn 3500 more calories than you eat. That's insane. To gain a lb you have to eat a snickers and then sit in a cubicle for 2 hours. Trust me, I've studied it.

If you made it to the end of this post I'm impressed. Next one will be shorter and maybe it really won't have anything about running in it.

World Vision

Today is a 2 post day because I have an exciting (to me) running announcement. I have signed up and am running for Team World Vision. I would explain further, but it is easier just to link it here, and you can read about it. Please share this with anyone you know that might be interested in giving or doing something similar.

http://twv.convio.net/site/TR/TeamWorldVision/General?px=1144690&pg=personal&fr_id=1110

Saturday in Pooler was 60 and awesome. I got to enjoy a long, Peyton free (thanks Babe!), 6 mile run. It was one of those days when running doesn't hurt and you could go all day. I can only pray that this is the kind of day I will have on May 1st. Then came Monday... it was raining, and cold (by Pooler standards). So I wound up on the treadmill last night at 8. I ran 2.5 miles of hard, fast paced, interval hills. In short I wanted to cry! It is the type of day I can only pray I don't have on May 1st! I also learned that the no music rule cannot apply to treadmill runs. It is these runs that people have and then hate to run. The sound of my own breathing coupled with that awful whirring of the treadmill was enough to make me want to throw myself off the back of it. Seriously.

So I brought the trusty ipod and struggled til the end. I did try to listen to positive music and ended up with NEEDTOBREATHE, ironically enough since that was exactly what I needed to do. I got stuck on Won't Turn Back, "Faithful like a soldier whose answer to the call, even when his back's against the wall. So tell me why I should run for cover at the sound of the coming thunder. All I hear is the cry of my lover, so take your shot. I won't turn back."

Running hurt yesterday. It was not fun. But alas, Time Marches On.. hey back Andie!! =)!! Today is a new day, and it will be good.

PS Won't Turn Back isn't on youtube, so you should listen to this equally awesome NTB song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PN-BMHi5L8

Filled to the brim...

... to grasp how wide, and high and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

- Ephesians 3: 18-19

Today I listened to Mark Driscoll preach on this section of Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus. He talked about how that word grasp does not signify an action taken on our behalf because that would signify a works based faith and that is not what God commands of us, but rather an action taken by the Trinity on our behalves. Driscoll stated that the literal meaning of the word grasp here means ambush. That when we enter into true prayer with the Father He will find us where we are and surround us on all sides with his holy Trinity.

In the early church when Christians were being persecuted they would draw a cross in the sand and write on the top: HIGH, the bottom: DEEP, the left side: LONG and the right side: WIDE. To remind them that in the face of suffering, as in any other time, the reaches of God's love for them (demonstrated on the cross) was endless.

I have been trying to mute the noise and stresses that constantly buzz in my mind and heart and I am going to put this into effect on my runs. No ipod, no noise, just emptiness. I hope that in my silence, solitude, and suffering God will hear my hearts cry. That I will empty myself and make room in my heart to be ambushed by the Holy Spirit and that Jesus Christ may dwell there in full.

BSIM

109 days til 26.2. Bib #4243. Airline Ticket, booked. Hostel, reserved.

Before I write all about training I wanted to share some about the race I'm training for.

Big Sur International Marathon runs from Big Sur to Monterey Bay, CA.

It starts in the Red Wood Forest and runs the Pacific Coast Hwy.

At mile 13 is Hurricane Point. An infamous 2 mile climb just before Bixby Bridge.

I've read that as you cross the bridge you can hear seals barking on the beach and dolphins/whales are often spotted in the water.

I choose Big Sur because its a race with character. They have a pianist on the bridge, drummers at mile 15, and local children handing out fresh strawberries from one of the fields you pass at mile 20.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I will hate myself by mile 20.

Worst case scenario I'll just run over the bridge and roll myself down that huge hill into the Pacific.

Greater is He who is in me...

Not so long ago I had a lot of passion. I dreamed big dreams. I believed in myself. Then I quit. I quit one thing, then another, quitting is a habit. I quit on hard things and I quit on easy things because once you've quit you feel like you can't finish anything. Then I married an amazing man. And he wouldn't let me say the negative things I thought about myself. And he won't let me quit. So, I'm quitting quitting, not because Jason won't let me, but because Jason enabled me to believe in myself again. To finish the race. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. Finish THE race. 26.2 miles. May 1st. Big Sur, California. It is the final thing on a very old to do list.

Thus the new name for the blog. Chasing Shadows. I love to run at night, when it is slightly cold, and I can look at the stars to take my mind off the burn in my legs. When I run at night the street lights cast shadows. Each time I pass beneath a light I have two shadows, the one beside me and the one cast in front of me. And it made me realize something about myself; for a really long time now I have portrayed myself as the shadow in front of me, the person that I am running after, but in reality I am the shadow beside me. I have all of these things I want to be and characteristics I want to have and instead of honestly pursuing that silhouette of who I could be, I have put on a caricature of that person and put off to the world that that is who I am. When in reality I am a few feet back, I can see that person I want to be, but I just keep chasing, never becoming. And while I recognize that I am still a work in progress I also recognize that I am for the first time in my life chipping away at the barriers between me and the person I want to be.

When I let myself quit, my shortcomings told me that the race had been about me. It's obviously not. Not even a little. I can only see the shadow of who I want to be when I am in the light. "And do this understanding the present time; The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because your salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." Romans 13:11-12. I know that I can only run the good race if I armor myself with the power of Christ.

I ran a 1/2 marathon in October. It was miserable. Ha. I questioned my desire to run the full, but God has placed that desire in my heart. And on my long, quiet training runs he speaks to my heart. I asked him to show me my iniquities. And He has and it is painful, but training hurts. Discipline is sometimes painful. But discipline is what I yearn for.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one get the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9: 19-23