Planes, Trains & Tattoos

"If you're going to San Francisco be sure to wear some flowers in your hair."

It looks as if my good friend Blaes may not be able to make the marathon trip with me. If she does she will not be able to make it until late Saturday night. So I was set to venture to the wild, wild, west all on my own when I realized that this was the perfect trip for my mom and I to take together.

Ma and I have never been on a trip with just the two of us. While my marathon is in Monterey I am flying into San Fran and spending the first night in a hostel a block or two up from fisherman's warf. Then we are going to take a train Saturday morning to Monterey, pick up my race packet and explore the city.. which will have to include a trip to Cannery Row and the John Steinbeck museum! That may make me a dork, but he's my favorite and it is his home town! Hostel stay on Saturday night. Race starts at 6:30 Sunday morning so that we can see the sunrise on the coast as we run. I sure as heck better be done by 12:30!! Later that night (after a large, carb loaded meal) we are taking a train back to San Francisco and spending the night. Our plane leaves Monday night at 10:50. Which means we have an entire day in San Francisco to explore.. and we have a list of must dos (including finally getting that tattoo that's been on my list forever) and must sees! To say that I am excited.. would be a vast understatement. I am stoked.

A long 3 day weekend in California.. with my mom, marking things off on my to do list that I never thought I would actually accomplish, and all while only using 1 vacation day, nice!

Almost everyday I love being in Georgia. I love being away from everyone and everything we know. I love that for the most part we have no demands on our time. I love the adventure of a new place. I really love the weather and the beach isn't so bad either.

But there are some days that creep up on me in the night. I go to bed glad to be a Georgia peach and I wake up in the morning with a longing for the hills of Tennessee. I do not miss TN because I believe it is better than Georgia. I miss TN because on days like today it still feels like home.

I miss my mamaw. I miss driving over the bridge to her house and looking at the Smokies in the distance. I miss spending time with her and joking about how old she is over a plate of pinto beans, macaroni, fried potatoes and biscuits... that I didn't have to cook.

I miss my brother. A lot. So much sometimes I want to cry. I miss Travis, Kayla, Jason and I hanging out every Friday night. Sitting, talking, laughing. No plans, no entertainment. Just each other.

I miss my friends and the ease that college let us hang out. I miss getting together for One Tree Hill with Cait and Lill and Sadie. I miss driving to the mountains in the middle of the night totally unprepared just to look at the stars without any other light around. I miss walking to Pilot in December just for powdered donuts and milk.

I miss driving to the boro for no reason at all.. mostly on weekends and sometimes on a random Tuesday. Donut country, airplanes, Friends and the Office. Playing in meadows barefoot and nasty splinters. I miss Andie and Billy. And Bump n Grind volleyball.

I miss when all of my family lived in one city. And we could all hang out together without ridiculously long drives.

I miss hugs, more than I can even begin to say in words.

I love that Jason and I got to move away and be married and just enjoy one another. I love that I am lucky enough to have so many things that fill my heart, and in their absence make it ache.

Tomorrow I will be happy to be in Georgia again. Today I wish it was close enough that we could drive over after work. And love on one another long enough to forget that growing up is sometimes stressful and lonely. And we would laugh. And hug.

VENTURE

Joshua said to the LORD in the presence of Israel:

“Sun, stand still over Gibeon,
and you, moon, over the Valley of Aijalon.”
¹³ So the sun stood still,
and the moon stopped,
till the nation avenged itself on its enemies,

as it is written in the Book of Jashar.

The sun stopped in the middle of the sky and delayed going down about a full day. ¹⁴ There has never been a day like it before or since, a day when the LORD listened to a human being. Surely the LORD was fighting for Israel!

Judges 10:11-14

"If the size of your vision for your life isn't intimidating to you, there's a good chance it's insulting to God." - Steven Furtick

We have good friends coming into town tonight. We are praying for faith big enough to stop the sun. We are dreaming big, but we believe God is dreaming bigger.

"I despaired at the thought that my life might slip by without seeing God show himself mightily on our behalf." - Jim Cymbala

We are praying for a mighty move of God, and hoping that our small minded prayers aren't insulting to His plans here.

⁵ “Look at the nations and watch—
and be utterly amazed.
For I am going to do something in your days
that you would not believe,
even if you were told.

Habakkuk 1:5

Rock Chalk Jayhawk

I thought I had made it all the way through an entire post without the word run.. I did not. Fail.

And, on a random note: My entire high school experience I watched Jason Vance come in nearly everyday in a Kansas hoody and I dreamed about what it would be like to sleep in it. Last night I slept in his Kansas hoody WITH him. It's not the first time. It won't be the last time. But I woke up this morning and remembered those days, I cuddled up closer to him, and my heart was full.

Psalm 51:10-12

Tuesday nights Jason plays basketball, Peyton and I have girl time, I eat things I can't convince Jason to eat, I run, I write letters, and I read. There is nothing I love more than my time with Jason, but Tuesday nights feel a little like college and I like that.

This Tuesday night my neighbor called me. She was crying. I had just gotten in from a run. I had a list of Sarah things that I wanted to do. She asked if I could come over. I hesitated. I thought of all of the "me" things that I was looking forward to, and then I said of course I would come over.

My neighbor is hurting. Her heart hurts and Tuesday her head was in physical pain with a migraine. All she needed was someone to put pressure on her temples and ease the pain. Mercy and compassion are not my strongest character traits, but that does not mean that I am not expected to exhibit them. I am commanded to love my neighbor as myself.. and unfortunately my actions say that I love myself a lot..

So I rubbed her head, I brought her to our house, I gave her water (in a TN cup for a Bulldogs fan!) and we cared for our neighbor.

And later I cried.. to which Jason would say A) surprise and 2) why are you leaking?!?! what's wrong?!... but for a change I wasn't crying for myself, but for the state of someone else's heart. We have been praying over and over for Jesus to dwell within our hearts and for the Holy Spirit to ambush every facet of our lives.

I hesitated to write about this for fear that it would seem as if it were about our good deeds and it is not. It is about obedience. It is about loving your neighbor. And it is about asking God to change your heart and the small moments when you realize those prayers are being answered.

Snickers and Mystery Fruit

So yesterday I added up how many miles I have to run to train for my marathon... 432. I never should have done that. That being said, this is no longer a training blog. I mean how boring could the next 100 days be if it's strictly about running. So, it's again a random plethora of thoughts with a bit of training mixed in.

Today's random rant has to do with my present circumstances, Lunch. See, isn't this more exciting!? For real though, Jason and I stopped drinking soda about 2 months ago. We drink lots of juice (Dole's Pineapple Orang Mango ROCKS!), a bit of lemonade, and mostly water. I no longer drink carbonated beverages at all. It's a good change. I like it.

After 5 months of cubicle dwelling I have also started to monitor my food in take. I am surrounded by women who feel the need to shove chocolate, cookies, and cakes down my throat. No more. I snack on fruit. Current obsession: Cherries. Those who know me well will know I do not like cherries... so I thought. I do not like cheap, little fake, unnaturally red cherries. I do like real, stemmed, seed in the middle cherries. I am also currently eating some kind of fruit, mystery fruit as Cait likes to call it, it's basically like a peach without fuzz. Anyone have any insight?! I'd like to get it again. And finally HUMMUS! Sun dried tomato hummus. How awesome is that? Go Publix! As for meals I have smoothie for breakfast, wraps for lunch with excellent homemade Greek salads. And dinner is whatever that handsome man I live with wants! But now burgers are made of turkey.. Ha.

I refuse to run my butt off and then regain all of the calories in a candy bar. I'm not running to lose weight, but it makes you think. I ran 3 miles last night and burned 341 calories. To lose 1 lb you have to burn 3500 more calories than you eat. That's insane. To gain a lb you have to eat a snickers and then sit in a cubicle for 2 hours. Trust me, I've studied it.

If you made it to the end of this post I'm impressed. Next one will be shorter and maybe it really won't have anything about running in it.

World Vision

Today is a 2 post day because I have an exciting (to me) running announcement. I have signed up and am running for Team World Vision. I would explain further, but it is easier just to link it here, and you can read about it. Please share this with anyone you know that might be interested in giving or doing something similar.

http://twv.convio.net/site/TR/TeamWorldVision/General?px=1144690&pg=personal&fr_id=1110

Saturday in Pooler was 60 and awesome. I got to enjoy a long, Peyton free (thanks Babe!), 6 mile run. It was one of those days when running doesn't hurt and you could go all day. I can only pray that this is the kind of day I will have on May 1st. Then came Monday... it was raining, and cold (by Pooler standards). So I wound up on the treadmill last night at 8. I ran 2.5 miles of hard, fast paced, interval hills. In short I wanted to cry! It is the type of day I can only pray I don't have on May 1st! I also learned that the no music rule cannot apply to treadmill runs. It is these runs that people have and then hate to run. The sound of my own breathing coupled with that awful whirring of the treadmill was enough to make me want to throw myself off the back of it. Seriously.

So I brought the trusty ipod and struggled til the end. I did try to listen to positive music and ended up with NEEDTOBREATHE, ironically enough since that was exactly what I needed to do. I got stuck on Won't Turn Back, "Faithful like a soldier whose answer to the call, even when his back's against the wall. So tell me why I should run for cover at the sound of the coming thunder. All I hear is the cry of my lover, so take your shot. I won't turn back."

Running hurt yesterday. It was not fun. But alas, Time Marches On.. hey back Andie!! =)!! Today is a new day, and it will be good.

PS Won't Turn Back isn't on youtube, so you should listen to this equally awesome NTB song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PN-BMHi5L8

Filled to the brim...

... to grasp how wide, and high and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

- Ephesians 3: 18-19

Today I listened to Mark Driscoll preach on this section of Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus. He talked about how that word grasp does not signify an action taken on our behalf because that would signify a works based faith and that is not what God commands of us, but rather an action taken by the Trinity on our behalves. Driscoll stated that the literal meaning of the word grasp here means ambush. That when we enter into true prayer with the Father He will find us where we are and surround us on all sides with his holy Trinity.

In the early church when Christians were being persecuted they would draw a cross in the sand and write on the top: HIGH, the bottom: DEEP, the left side: LONG and the right side: WIDE. To remind them that in the face of suffering, as in any other time, the reaches of God's love for them (demonstrated on the cross) was endless.

I have been trying to mute the noise and stresses that constantly buzz in my mind and heart and I am going to put this into effect on my runs. No ipod, no noise, just emptiness. I hope that in my silence, solitude, and suffering God will hear my hearts cry. That I will empty myself and make room in my heart to be ambushed by the Holy Spirit and that Jesus Christ may dwell there in full.

BSIM

109 days til 26.2. Bib #4243. Airline Ticket, booked. Hostel, reserved.

Before I write all about training I wanted to share some about the race I'm training for.

Big Sur International Marathon runs from Big Sur to Monterey Bay, CA.

It starts in the Red Wood Forest and runs the Pacific Coast Hwy.

At mile 13 is Hurricane Point. An infamous 2 mile climb just before Bixby Bridge.

I've read that as you cross the bridge you can hear seals barking on the beach and dolphins/whales are often spotted in the water.

I choose Big Sur because its a race with character. They have a pianist on the bridge, drummers at mile 15, and local children handing out fresh strawberries from one of the fields you pass at mile 20.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I will hate myself by mile 20.

Worst case scenario I'll just run over the bridge and roll myself down that huge hill into the Pacific.

Greater is He who is in me...

Not so long ago I had a lot of passion. I dreamed big dreams. I believed in myself. Then I quit. I quit one thing, then another, quitting is a habit. I quit on hard things and I quit on easy things because once you've quit you feel like you can't finish anything. Then I married an amazing man. And he wouldn't let me say the negative things I thought about myself. And he won't let me quit. So, I'm quitting quitting, not because Jason won't let me, but because Jason enabled me to believe in myself again. To finish the race. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. Finish THE race. 26.2 miles. May 1st. Big Sur, California. It is the final thing on a very old to do list.

Thus the new name for the blog. Chasing Shadows. I love to run at night, when it is slightly cold, and I can look at the stars to take my mind off the burn in my legs. When I run at night the street lights cast shadows. Each time I pass beneath a light I have two shadows, the one beside me and the one cast in front of me. And it made me realize something about myself; for a really long time now I have portrayed myself as the shadow in front of me, the person that I am running after, but in reality I am the shadow beside me. I have all of these things I want to be and characteristics I want to have and instead of honestly pursuing that silhouette of who I could be, I have put on a caricature of that person and put off to the world that that is who I am. When in reality I am a few feet back, I can see that person I want to be, but I just keep chasing, never becoming. And while I recognize that I am still a work in progress I also recognize that I am for the first time in my life chipping away at the barriers between me and the person I want to be.

When I let myself quit, my shortcomings told me that the race had been about me. It's obviously not. Not even a little. I can only see the shadow of who I want to be when I am in the light. "And do this understanding the present time; The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because your salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." Romans 13:11-12. I know that I can only run the good race if I armor myself with the power of Christ.

I ran a 1/2 marathon in October. It was miserable. Ha. I questioned my desire to run the full, but God has placed that desire in my heart. And on my long, quiet training runs he speaks to my heart. I asked him to show me my iniquities. And He has and it is painful, but training hurts. Discipline is sometimes painful. But discipline is what I yearn for.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one get the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9: 19-23