Freedom.

So I am definitely over due a marathon post, but before I talk about the torture that is 26.2 I feel like I need to share what I learned through this journey. I ran the marathon that I may check it off of my to do list, but more importantly I ran it because I felt God had placed that desire in my heart and I wanted to see how He revealed himself to me in the process.

Running forces me to get away from the husband who I am tempted to spend all of my time with, and get outside under a big expanse of sky and just breathe. Running is not easy for me, it beats me down, makes me hurt, and sometimes just leaves me miserable, but it breaks down my barriers, it shuts up the voices in my head, and it leaves me on a road running toward a sunset, still inside.

I have spent the last 344 days as Mrs. Jason Vance. It is my favorite role. I love it.

But as it turns out I needed some time alone, to train not only my legs, but my heart and my mind. To be still, and quiet, and reminded, of a love so assuring.

What I am trying to say is…

I was flying to California, I was sitting on the plane, I was looking out the window, and I remembered to be amazed at everything. I forgot that, but right there on that plane, looking out the window at the sun setting over all those people on the ground, I was stunned. I remembered the time that Andie and I flew with some pilot friends at sunset, and watched it set for hours. I forgot how long the sun takes to set, I forgot how beautiful the orange is bouncing off of the clouds, and I was amazed.

I remembered God. I remembered to feel Him. To thank Him. To trust Him. And I cried, right there in the middle of two strangers and a glorious sunset.

I was standing on a cliff, beside my mom, looking out at the mountains, hugging the California coastline. I watched these huge waves crash over and over again against century old rocks and I was astounded. God put me there in that moment just as deliberately as he placed me in my mother’s womb. We were made to stand in that moment, together. mother and daughter, and be amazed.

I remembered God. I remembered to feel Him. To thank Him. To trust Him. I cried, right there beside my mother and a glorious ocean.

I was running between two cliffs and toward a green grass mountain about mile 10. I remembered that this life is fleeting. It is but a breath. That not long ago I was a child and now I am an adult. I will have children. They will become adults and I will die. I thought about the end of my life and how at some point soon my life will end. And how maybe I will run towards heaven, just like that, between grand mountains, beside surging waters, and toward a living God. I felt a heavenly assurance in that moment. I remembered it is a gift to live, to be free and just live.

I remembered God. I remembered to feel Him. To thank Him. To trust Him. And I cried, right between two beautiful cliffs and a thousand people. .

I ran a marathon. When I got home I checked it off the list and I hung my medal up. I am proud of that, but my heart was not filled to the brim by that accomplishment. It was filled between those centuries old cliffs when the God of the universe took a moment to romance my heart, to remind me I am chosen and loved.

... As for this song.. I just played it over and over again for 6 hours. My heart is so glad to be free!