World Vision

Today is a 2 post day because I have an exciting (to me) running announcement. I have signed up and am running for Team World Vision. I would explain further, but it is easier just to link it here, and you can read about it. Please share this with anyone you know that might be interested in giving or doing something similar.

http://twv.convio.net/site/TR/TeamWorldVision/General?px=1144690&pg=personal&fr_id=1110

Saturday in Pooler was 60 and awesome. I got to enjoy a long, Peyton free (thanks Babe!), 6 mile run. It was one of those days when running doesn't hurt and you could go all day. I can only pray that this is the kind of day I will have on May 1st. Then came Monday... it was raining, and cold (by Pooler standards). So I wound up on the treadmill last night at 8. I ran 2.5 miles of hard, fast paced, interval hills. In short I wanted to cry! It is the type of day I can only pray I don't have on May 1st! I also learned that the no music rule cannot apply to treadmill runs. It is these runs that people have and then hate to run. The sound of my own breathing coupled with that awful whirring of the treadmill was enough to make me want to throw myself off the back of it. Seriously.

So I brought the trusty ipod and struggled til the end. I did try to listen to positive music and ended up with NEEDTOBREATHE, ironically enough since that was exactly what I needed to do. I got stuck on Won't Turn Back, "Faithful like a soldier whose answer to the call, even when his back's against the wall. So tell me why I should run for cover at the sound of the coming thunder. All I hear is the cry of my lover, so take your shot. I won't turn back."

Running hurt yesterday. It was not fun. But alas, Time Marches On.. hey back Andie!! =)!! Today is a new day, and it will be good.

PS Won't Turn Back isn't on youtube, so you should listen to this equally awesome NTB song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PN-BMHi5L8

Filled to the brim...

... to grasp how wide, and high and long and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge- that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

- Ephesians 3: 18-19

Today I listened to Mark Driscoll preach on this section of Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus. He talked about how that word grasp does not signify an action taken on our behalf because that would signify a works based faith and that is not what God commands of us, but rather an action taken by the Trinity on our behalves. Driscoll stated that the literal meaning of the word grasp here means ambush. That when we enter into true prayer with the Father He will find us where we are and surround us on all sides with his holy Trinity.

In the early church when Christians were being persecuted they would draw a cross in the sand and write on the top: HIGH, the bottom: DEEP, the left side: LONG and the right side: WIDE. To remind them that in the face of suffering, as in any other time, the reaches of God's love for them (demonstrated on the cross) was endless.

I have been trying to mute the noise and stresses that constantly buzz in my mind and heart and I am going to put this into effect on my runs. No ipod, no noise, just emptiness. I hope that in my silence, solitude, and suffering God will hear my hearts cry. That I will empty myself and make room in my heart to be ambushed by the Holy Spirit and that Jesus Christ may dwell there in full.

BSIM

109 days til 26.2. Bib #4243. Airline Ticket, booked. Hostel, reserved.

Before I write all about training I wanted to share some about the race I'm training for.

Big Sur International Marathon runs from Big Sur to Monterey Bay, CA.

It starts in the Red Wood Forest and runs the Pacific Coast Hwy.

At mile 13 is Hurricane Point. An infamous 2 mile climb just before Bixby Bridge.

I've read that as you cross the bridge you can hear seals barking on the beach and dolphins/whales are often spotted in the water.

I choose Big Sur because its a race with character. They have a pianist on the bridge, drummers at mile 15, and local children handing out fresh strawberries from one of the fields you pass at mile 20.

I'm trying to ignore the fact that I will hate myself by mile 20.

Worst case scenario I'll just run over the bridge and roll myself down that huge hill into the Pacific.

Greater is He who is in me...

Not so long ago I had a lot of passion. I dreamed big dreams. I believed in myself. Then I quit. I quit one thing, then another, quitting is a habit. I quit on hard things and I quit on easy things because once you've quit you feel like you can't finish anything. Then I married an amazing man. And he wouldn't let me say the negative things I thought about myself. And he won't let me quit. So, I'm quitting quitting, not because Jason won't let me, but because Jason enabled me to believe in myself again. To finish the race. And that is exactly what I am trying to do. Finish THE race. 26.2 miles. May 1st. Big Sur, California. It is the final thing on a very old to do list.

Thus the new name for the blog. Chasing Shadows. I love to run at night, when it is slightly cold, and I can look at the stars to take my mind off the burn in my legs. When I run at night the street lights cast shadows. Each time I pass beneath a light I have two shadows, the one beside me and the one cast in front of me. And it made me realize something about myself; for a really long time now I have portrayed myself as the shadow in front of me, the person that I am running after, but in reality I am the shadow beside me. I have all of these things I want to be and characteristics I want to have and instead of honestly pursuing that silhouette of who I could be, I have put on a caricature of that person and put off to the world that that is who I am. When in reality I am a few feet back, I can see that person I want to be, but I just keep chasing, never becoming. And while I recognize that I am still a work in progress I also recognize that I am for the first time in my life chipping away at the barriers between me and the person I want to be.

When I let myself quit, my shortcomings told me that the race had been about me. It's obviously not. Not even a little. I can only see the shadow of who I want to be when I am in the light. "And do this understanding the present time; The hour has come for you to wake up from your slumber, because your salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armor of light." Romans 13:11-12. I know that I can only run the good race if I armor myself with the power of Christ.

I ran a 1/2 marathon in October. It was miserable. Ha. I questioned my desire to run the full, but God has placed that desire in my heart. And on my long, quiet training runs he speaks to my heart. I asked him to show me my iniquities. And He has and it is painful, but training hurts. Discipline is sometimes painful. But discipline is what I yearn for.

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one get the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. 1 Corinthians 9: 19-23